Do you feel like a man?
by icestar663
Summary: Sequel to "Face Down in the Dirt" and "A New Life" takes place parallel to the events of "A New Life" but from Alfred's point of view (and progresses a little further). Alfred is trying to hunt down Gilbert to takes his revenge for hurting Mattie. Human Names used.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Warning: There will be some swearing, threats and later some comical violence**

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Alfred growled softly, forcing himself to calm down slightly as he regarded the man in front of him, "I'm asking you for the last time, Ludwig. Where the hell is Gilbert?!"

The German man watched him through light blue eyes before shaking his head, "I've already told you that I don't know where he is, Jones but you continue to refuse to believe it. Even if I did know do you honestly think I would tell you now that you've threatened me and him in my own home?"

"Damn it, Ludwig! He almost killed Mattie!" Alfred yelled, his deep blue eyes dark and cold, "Your precious brother almost murdered mine and you expect me to just sit back and do nothing?!"

Ludwig watched him for a moment, "Nein, I expect you to do your best to protect Matthew. And so allow me to do the same with my own brother. Gut day, Alfred."

The conversation clearly over Alfred gave up and left. He'd run out of ideas of where Gilbert could be and he wasn't going to ask Matthew for leads. He knew his brother wouldn't approve and anyway, the Canadian was terrified of Gilbert. Alfred wasn't going to bring him up in conversation unless he absolutely had to. He didn't want to accidentally inflict more hurt on his brother.

Pulling out his phone, Alfred dialled a number as he walked down the road; getting into his car and leaning back as the person on the other end finally answered.

"Arthur Kirkland."

Alfred sighed, "Art, it's me. I'm out of ideas."

The other man was quiet for a moment, "Ludwig not give you anything then? I did say he wasn't likely to tell on his own older brother."

"I don't care what you said!" The young American snapped, "I had to try! That pile of horse shit almost murdered my little brother and I'm not going to stop until I've found him and ripped his guts out with a spoon! I'm supposed to be Mattie's hero. I have to!"

"And what does Matthew think about all this? Don't you think he should be able to do what he sees fit when it comes to revenge on Gilbert?"

"I was supposed to be his hero and I didn't notice what was going on."

"Alfred-"

"I don't care that I was busy with work! Damn it, Arthur, I promised that I'd keep him safe and I failed. I didn't notice. Mattie ended up in hospital because I couldn't keep my promise."

Arthur sighed, they'd had this conversation so many times before. "Just be careful, Al. Don't do anything that could hurt Matthew more... causing arguments with Ludwig isn't going to help anyone and could just let Gilbert know that you're searching for him. We don't know what's going through his head at the moment and I don't want to see either of you hurt more. He did call the ambulance to save Matt's life. Plus if you upset Ludwig then you upset Feliciano and if that happens he'll go to Francis and I shall never hear the end of it."

Alfred couldn't help smiling slightly at the Englishman's grumblings, "Okay fine. I'll be careful.. but I have to do something."

He thought over what Arthur had said as they bid each other goodbye. Feliciano was close to Ludwig and more of a pushover.

Alfred smiled as he started the car and drove away, determined to get the information he needed at any cost. Hopefully Feliciano wouldn't run to Ludwig the moment he arrived.

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**Author's Note: So here it is, Alfred's point of view during my fic A New Life. There will be some chapters that are from Gilbert's point of view. Hope you enjoy!  
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	2. Chapter 2

"Gilbert, this needs to stop."

Ludwig was standing in the doorway to the basement, watching through narrowed eyes as Gilbert finished a beer and threw the – now empty – can across the room towards the already overflowing bin.

"I'm serious, Gilbert. The constant drinking, not listening to people who care about you and, refusal to do anything to help yourself is exactly what got you into this mess in the first place. You need to fix it."

"And how do you suggest I do that, of great and wunderbar Bruder?" Gilbert turned to fix his dark red gaze on Ludwig.

"Cut down on the beer, go out and find a job and for Gott's sake stop hiding from your responsibilities! I severely dislike having Alfred Jones forcing his way into my house as he continues his vendetta against you. You do know that the longer you hide the more angry he's getting, right?"

"Then why don't you tell him where I am?" he shot back, "And you can't stop me drinking beer."

"Because you are my Bruder," he replied simply. "I feel it would be better for you to rejoin the world of your own accord. And I can control your beer drinking in one easy step; stop buying it for you."

"You wouldn't." Gilbert's eyes narrowed and he growled faintly.

"If it helps get you back on track then I most certainly will. I'm worried about you, Gilbert. Alfred isn't going to stop until he finds you. This is the third time in a month and he has only become worse since Matthew went to live with him."

"Mattie? He's out of hospital? That's awesome. Is he alright?" Gilbert sat up straighter.

"Traumatised but recovering. It will take a long time and a considerable amount of therapy before he will be able to start getting back to normal.

"It's awesome he's getting better though."

"Yes, I suppose it is. Now please think over what I've said while I'm out. I am going over to Feli's for dinner." Without giving Gilbert a chance to reply he turned and left the basement, going back upstairs.

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**Author's Note: Well I did promise you Gilbert chapters. Lud is very serious if he's threatening to not buy beer!**


	3. Chapter 3

Alfred hesitated before knocking on Feliciano's door, smiling as the Italian boy opened it after a moment, "Hey, Feli. Can I talk to you?" Alfred smiled wider as he stood back to let him in.

"Sure. I was making pasta for when Luddy comes round for dinner later!"

Alfred chewed his lip as he was guided through into the kitchen, sitting in the chair that was offered. "Feli... I'm sorry to ask but... have you heard anything about where Gilbert is?"

He turned and looked up at him, "Luddy said I wasn't supposed to tell you anything in case you decided to be stupid."

Alfred sighed, "I want to talk to Gilbert. What's so wrong about that?"

He thought for a moment, "Did he really hurt Mattie? Luddy said he did but I like Gilbert, he's my friend. I don't think he could have do-" He was interrupted by Alfred slamming his hand onto the table, yelping softly as the condiment bottles rattled.

"Yes. He did hurt him." Alfred's voice was cold, "Badly. For a long time. Now tell me where he is!"

Feliciano froze before shaking his head, "No... L-Luddy told me not to say... S-So I-I-I'm not saying anything. I don't know where he is. I can't t-tell you." The Italian was getting more flustered but was saved from saying more by the sound of the door opening.

Alfred swore to himself as Ludwig entered the room. The German man stopped and stared at him before Feliciano threw himself into his arms.

"L-Luddy! Alfred said it was true what Gilert did! A-And he kept asking where he was! And... and he got angry!"

"Get out," Ludwig growled at the American, "Get out of here now!" He kept his arms protectively around Feliciano, who was still rambling into his chest. "Go before I have to make you!" Ludwig's light blue eyes were like chips of ice as he watched Alfred skirt past him towards the front door.

As Alfred left the house he heard Ludwig gently asking Feliciano about how the pasta was getting on to try to calm him down.

Sighing, Alfred cursed to himself. If Ludwig hadn't turned up he might have had a chance at getting the information. Now he was stuck once more.

Undeterred he started to rethink his options once more as he walked to his car. There had to be some way for him to find Gilbert.

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**Author's Note: Oh Al... did you really think that going to Feli would work?**


	4. Chapter 4

"You can't keep doing this."

"I can do whatever the hell I want."

"You're hurting yourself, him and everyone around you."

"Piss off."

"For Gott's sake, Gilbert!" Ludwig lost his temper with his stubborn older brother. "Can't you see how unhealthy this is? You can't stay down here indefinitely." He looked around his basement which had become the older German's – or Prussian's as he insisted on being called - temporary home.

"Yes I can. I have everything I need here."

"Gilbert, Alfred has started pestering Feli to try to find out where you are. I've only just managed to calm him down. You don't understand anything. Your ego is too big for you to see the damage you're causing right under your nose!"

Gilbert growled and spat at him, his red eyes angry and narrowed, "I'm find here. Piss off, Lud. Swine-hund."

"This is unhealthy. You're living in one room, without windows, and it's filthy. Gilbert, how is this helping anything?"

"I'm not exactly awesome at the moment. Well I am... but I haven't acted like it. I mean, almost killing the only person who is almost as awesome as me was completely unawesome. I'm not leaing here, Lud. Plus if Alfred sees me he'll string my up by my teeth."

Ludwig let out a long sigh, "You've got to move out, I can't afford to keep you here any more. Plus it's putting Feliciano in danger from Alfred and I will not let anything happen to my Feli. You have three days."

At any other time Gilbert would have teased Ludwig for referring to Feliciano as 'his Feli' but as his red eyes met Ludwig's icy blue he figured it wasn't appropriate. Neither of them moved for a long time.

"And Alfred doing this will no doubt be affecting Matthew in a negative way." Ludwig added.

Gilbert relented, "I'll start looking."

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**Author's Note: So Swine-Hund is an insult we use jokingly around our house, Pig-Dog. No idea why, when I'm looking for a mildly German insult that's what my brain yells at me.**

**And hmm... Lud's throwing Gil out of the house... this can only end well. Sorry for the late update, I was involved in a show at my university over the weekend**


	5. Chapter 5

"Roddy, please! Come on, it won't be for long!"

Gilbert was standing outside Roderich's house, all his belongings packed into black bags and piled in a shopping trolley beside him, "I don't have anywhere else I can go! You know how much Lovi hates me so I can't go to Toni's. Plus, since Alfred tried to get information out of Feli, Lovi somehow hates me even more than he did before! And Alfred is always hanging around with Arthur so I can't stay with him and Francis. Please, Roddy! I don't have anywhere else!"

Before Roderich could reply an angry woman was long brown hair and brandishing a frying pan appeared at an open window, "If you don't get out of our yard NOT you're seriously going to regret it, Gilbert!"

"But Lizzy I-"

"Now, Gilbert!" her green eyes glinted dangerously.

The albino growled softly to himself before sighing, "Fine Lizzy, I'm going. I'm sure I'll find a comfortable park bench somewhere to sleep on!"

"Yes, I'm sure you will." She watched coldly as he turned and started to push his trolley of belongings away from the house.

"I know he's an idiot and caused all this mess, but don't you think that was a little harsh?" Roderich asked as he went back inside and over to Elizabeta, who was standing by the window with her arms folded.

"No, I do not. He got himself into this and hiding here isn't going to fix anything. He has to face Alfred sooner or later."

Roderich sighed, "You're right of course. You always have had a soft spot for Matthew, haven't you?"

She smiled, "He's just so sweet. And adorable. Like a kid brother or a small puppy. How Gilbert ended up lucky enough to be with him is completely beyond me. And how he treated him was just awful. Gilbert deserves everything he gets. I might ask Alfred if I can join in with his revenge when he finds him. Matthew is just one of those people who wouldn't hurt a fly and to have the person he loves do that to him is just despicable. So I'm damn well not going to stand up for that stupid 'Prussian'"

Smiling softly, Roderich gently kissed her, "Let's just forget about him," he murmured, pulling away.

Her expression softened and she nodded, turning to put her frying pan away.

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Gilbert was curled up on the hard, cold ground in the park. He'd found a place where he wouldn't be seen between the kid's climbing frame and a clump of bushes. He'd hidden his trolley of stuff and was trying to get comfortable so he'd be able to get a little sleep. The sky above him was cloudless and he could see the stars clearly as he waited for sleep. The air around him was cold, he could feel it seeping through his clothes and blanket. He curled up tightly and shivered, shifting so he was more under the cover of the bushes. Eventually he slipped into an uncomfortable sleep.

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**Author's Notes: I'm so sorry it's been so long! I've had this chapter written for like, almost three weeks but I've had so much stuff going on with university and getting a new laptop I didn't have the time to type it up and then the notebook I had it written in went walkies so I had to hunt that down. Excuses, I know but still, that's what happened. I have the next chapter already written and typed up already so I should actually upload it on time!**

**Hope you enjoy!**


	6. Chapter 6

Alfred slumped down on the sofa and rubbed his eyes, pushing his glasses up slightly as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He was out of options. He'd spoken to everyone he knew was on decent terms with Gilbert but no one knew where the tall German man had gone. Elizabeta has forced him out with a frying pan and Antonio had all but set Lovino on him. And after his encounter with Feliciano the other Italian man hated his guts.

It was driving Alfred mad. He wanted to be able to help his brother but there was no clear path he could find to doing so. If he couldn't find Gilbert then how was he supposed to make him pay for hurting Matthew.

He sighed. The only option he had left was to ask his brother if he had any ideas. He didn't want to but he had no choice. He was supposed to be the hero. He had to find Gilbert.

He shook his head as he stood up, spraying water from his soaking hair. It had started raining hard on his way home and even the short walk from the car had left him practically soaked.

Slowly he went upstairs, knocking on Matthew's door loudly and throwing the door opened before he had a chance to answer.

"Hi Mattie!" Alfred threw himself onto the bed and grinned at his brother as the other boy scrambled to lock the notepad he's been writing in away. "Look, I just wanted to ask..." his face grew serious, "Have you any idea where Gilbert might be? At all?"

Matthew froze before slowly shaking his head, "O-Only... Ludwig..." he whispered, not looking at him, "I-I don't know... why do you want to know, Al?"

Alfred swallowed, "Just wondering... I'm worried about you..."

Matthew ran a hand through his hair, "W-Well I... I don't know... Excuse me..." He stood up and went into the bathroom, shaking slightly.

Knowing sticking around wouldn't help, Alfred went back downstairs, "Well that could have gone better..." he muttered to himself. "I will find you, Gilbert..." he growled, "And one day you will pay."

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**Author's Notes: Short chapter is short. But it's on time so whoop!**

**Not much to say about this, the next chapter is my favourite one to write of this story so I hope you'll enjoy it, if I ever get around to uploading!**


	7. Chapter 7

Gilbert sighed as he wandered around the supermarket. He was wary of being caught by Alfred or anyone who could contact the American without him noticing but he needed supplies. The basket he was carrying was overflowing with items.

Sighing again he paid. The shop was almost empty so it didn't take long before he was moving towards the exit, heavily laden down with shopping bags.

He let out a yelp of pain and surprise as something small and hard impacted with the small of his back. Looking down he frowned, seeing a fresh, green apple bouncing slightly a short distance away from him. He frowned deeper and looked around, ducking as a second piece of fruit was thrown at his head. It was at that moment he caught sight of his attacker and his blood ran cold. Alfred was by the stand of apples, a ready supply of ammunition for his assault on the man who had hurt his brother.

Gilbert ducked the next projectile, turning and starting to run, feeling the ripe fruit bombarding his back. One of the bags he was carrying ripped and he scrambled to collect the contents as well as protect himself from the constant onslaught.

He got to his feet and started to move again, yelping as another apple hit him in the back of the head and once again caused him to drop his items with a faint growl. As he scrambled to pick it up a shadow fell over him, he looked up and his deep red eyes met Alfred's angry blue ones. The American was holding one of the trays of apples, having taken it so he could more effectively continue his attack on Gilbert.

"Alfred... look I-"

"Save it," Alfred snarled, cutting off whatever Gilbert was going to say, "I don't give a damn about anything that might come out of your mouth. You have nothing to say to me. You tried to kill my brother you pathetic, worthless, little cretin! You're a bastard. You hurt him. You hurt him, you bastard!"

His eyes blazing like blue fire, Alfred took aim and once again started to pelt Gilbert with the fruit. The German man scrambled to his feet, his shopping clutched in his arms as he turned and ran from the shop, limping slightly and bruises already starting to form on his pale skin. He let out a faint sigh of relief as he heard a shop assistant stop Alfred. He skidded to a halt only when he reached Ludwig's house and bashed on the door, aching and out of breath.

Ludwig said nothing as he allowed his older brother into the house and listened to his rambling as he explained what had happened. In fact the first thing he said was when he'd put everything Gilbert had bought into a cupboard he kept aside for him.

"Gilbert, why have you only bought items which include maple?" He could swear he saw his brother blush.

"Th-They're for Birdie... to try to say sorry..." he mumbled, looking away.

Ludwig watched him for a moment before nodding, "Go and sleep, Gilbert. You look like you could do with a decent rest."

Unnaturally quiet, Gilbert just nodded as he stood up and went down into the basement. He slumped down on the bed still fully clothed and was asleep almost immediately.

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**Author's Notes: This is the chapter I was most looking forward to writing. And rightly so, it was a lot of fun! So Gilbert has now felt the wrath of Alfred - in the form of fruit. I had the idea for this pretty early on and just had to include it. Hope you enjoyed and I will try to update on time (yeah, like that's ever going to happen!)**


	8. Chapter 8

"I hate the bastard!" Alfred exploded as soon as Arthur opened the door, "I can't believe he got away from me!"

Arthur didn't have to ask to know exactly who Alfred was talking about, "What happened?" He asked, knowing full well that he was going to find out regardless.

"I met him at the supermarket. The nerve of him! Going shopping like everything's normal while my brother refuses to leave the house because of what he did!"

Arthur sat down and went back to drinking his tea, listening to his friend's angry rant and watching him pace the familiar spot on the floor.

"I was just so angry! So I started throwing stuff at him. I wanted to make him hurt and there was just so much ready ammo. I could have grabbed him. I could have caught him properly and taken him away somewhere to properly teach him a lesson, but no. No, what I did was chuck fruit at him. I was so angry with him I just couldn't think of anything else to do!" Alfred slumped down into a chair as he finished and sighed, "I failed Mattie."

Arthur looked up at him, "You didn't fail Matthew, I doubt he would have wanted you to hurt Gilbert anyway. Plus, you have been quite excellent at looking after him and helping him to recover. So no, Alfred, you have certainly not failed him."

Alfred met his gaze, "But Art... I was supposed to keep Matt safe. I promised him that I'd keep him safe and then I didn't even notice how bad things were getting for him. This is my fault. And then I let that bastard go. I didn't want to but I still did. He ran and someone who worked in the shop stopped me from following. I couldn't get past them. Now he's managed to get away again and he'll be even harder to find a second time. I only got him this time by accident..." he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I probably gave him some damn good bruises though." he perked up slightly at that thought.

Arthur winced, "No doubt about that. You always did have the hardest throw." he chucked softly, glad that at least something had cheered his friend up a little.

They sat and talked for a while about nothing now that Alfred had calmed down a bit. Mostly they discussed Matthew and the progress he had made in his recover. Eventually Alfred noticed the time and had to leave, heading home to check on his brother.

Arthur watched sadly as his friend left, worried that Alfred was going to far with this and that in the end Matthew would end up suffering even more. He sighed, if Alfred wasn't going to rein himself in then Arthur would have to find some way of doing it. From the brief conversations he'd had with Matthew it was clear to him that the quiet man was still completely in love with Gilbert.

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**Author's Note: I'm sorry! I've been stupidly busy recently with stuff that's outside of my control and I just haven't had the time to update! And I'm doubly sorry that it's only a short chapter! I'll try to update more regularly in future! Life just keeps getting in the way!**


	9. Chapter 9

Gilbert hesitated as he walked down the path towards Alfred's house, carrying a heavy hamper. He'd seen Alfred go out and so was taking his chance to deliver the basket to Matthew before he came back.

As he reached the door he put the hamper down and rubbed his back, wondering if he was doing the right thing. Did he want to see Matthew? More importantly, would Matthew want to see him? Alfred was right, he had almost killed him. Everything bad that had happened to Matthew had been his fault. If he were Matthew he wouldn't want to see him.

Losing his nerve, Gilbert pressed the doorbell and ran. He went over to the clump of bushes and hid, watching the door.

It wasn't long until the door was opened and the thin frame of Matthew appeared. He was every bit as beautiful as Gilbert remembered him being. Gilbert longed to reveal himself, to reach out and hold Matthew close while whispering promises that he'd never hurt him again but he didn't. His usually deeply buried insecurity kept him rooted to the spot in the middle of the clump of bushes. He watched silently as Matthew carried the hamper inside, expecting him to close the door straight away but instead the young Canadian returned and stood in the doorway, looking around.

"Gil?" He called, "Gilbert, are you there?"

Gilbert wanted to reply but before he could bring himself to Matthew had sighed and closed the door.

It was a long time until Gilbert moved, slowly straightening up and stretching. He turned and started to walk back up the road, straight into Arthur who was getting out of his car.

"Shit..." Gilbert hissed, his deep red eyes widening, "Arthur I'm sorry, I know I'm not supposed to be here but I was in the supermarket when Alfred saw me because I was buying some stuff that I wanted to give Matthew but I..." he trailed off, "I just left it on the doorstep for him."

Arthur sighed, "At least it's me you've seen and not Al. I was on my way to visit Matthew, do you want me to make sure he got your parcel?"

Gilbert nodded, "Please. Thanks, Arthur."

"Quite alright. Now get out of here before Alfred comes home and I might not tell him that I saw you."

Gilbert smiled, "Thanks. See ya, make sure Mattie's alright but please don't tell him the stuff was from me!" Before Arthur could reply Gilbert had started to jog down the road.

Arthur watched him until he disappeared around the corner before turning and moving towards the house, lost in his own thoughts. He let himself into the house and made his way slowly upstairs to see Matthew, sighing at the mess Gilbert had got himself in.

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**Author's Notes: Okay I am SO sorry that I've not updated this for so long! I've been on holiday and then I was stupidly busy, I know it's been months but finally I have a new chapter, even though it's not a very long one! Hope you enjoy and I'll try to update again soon!**


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